Kisses from Angels.

To dream perchance to sleep. 

To sleep perchance to dream. 

Was that really about death? 

That used to be my favorite quote growing up. 

In truth, it was because I was tired and felt like dying was sometimes the only option. 

I walk through life insurmountably aware of my reality. 

The feelings.

The sensations.

The lack.

The desire. 

The success. 

All of it. 

I feel you. 

Sometimes you feel me. 

Those intense feelings led me to the path I continue to rise from. 

A path of spirituality. 

A path of freedom. 

A path of liberation. 

In truth, the path I am on has me walking hand in hand with all my greatest fears. 

I am scared shitless, often. 

I come off as confident, which is true, I am confident. 

I am confidently aware that I walk with fear & love guiding me. 

I am confidently aware that most times, I have no idea what I am doing. 

I am confidently aware that I live by the edge of my seat. 

I am confidently aware that I love every moment I breathe, even when it feels as though I can’t breathe. 

I am currently sitting in Houston, bags packed, ready to go back to Austin and I find myself stuck. 

Paralyzed. 

Fear. 

Resistance. 

Uncertainty. 

Sadness. Deep sadness. 

For what was. 

The journey of this home I find myself typing in is a home that I cherish deep within my heart. 

A home that supported me while I crumbled into nothingness. 

As confident as I hold my wings today, 

I must tell you, 

A year ago those wings did not exist. 

I did not exist. 

My life did not exist. 

I sit in this chair, in this home, and I channel death. 

I feel the tears gently flow down my face. 

Like kisses from angels. 

A heartbreak that broke me so far open that a version of myself named Katie had to be put to rest. 

She was so tired. 

So broken.

So hurt. 

Lost. 

Forgotten. 

I am who I am now because I honor the death of my heart. 

Death is not permanent. 

Nothing is permanent. 

Death does hurt.

So does growth. 

So does blooming. 

So does falling. 

Life is a state of discomfort. 

To find comfort within the discomfort is a blessing. 

Comfort is also impermanent. 

Send it love when you feel it. 

Let it go when you don’t. 

I wish with every ounce of my being to stare into the eyes of the man who broke me and tell him that I am okay. 

I wish with every ounce of my being that his heart & soul is empathetic to energetically feel the words I wish to say. 

I never need to see him to move forward.

I accept that. 

I understand that by seeing him, it would open up the past and I have put my past to rest. 

Being in this home makes me think of how much I have overcome within my own mind.

My heart.

My soul. 

My ego. 

My fears.

My inner child. 

My shadow. 

The birthing of my magnetic self. 

I am still learning. 

I am still a new beginner. 

I am still growing. 

But this time around,

Present reality, 

I am more aware of understanding what it means to be learning,

What it means to be a new beginner,

What it means to be growing.

It’s all okay.

I wear the scar of you proudly. 

Hoping one day

Someone will come around with a life force to mirror my own, 

And in time, 

The scar will slowly fade away,

Into a distant memory, 

In which I let you go in full. 

This next chapter of mine, 

Is one I have yet to read. 

It is full of love.

Full of light.

Full of momentum. 

Full of inspiration.

Full of self. 

Full of community. 

The challenge I face today, 

Is the confidence & commitment to step into the light from within the darkness. 

To leap without knowing. 

To love without conditions. 

To sing without expectations. 

To feel without limitations. 

To let you go.

To let houston go.

To let this home go. 

Is to create space for me to grow. 

To evolve. 

I love me.

I love where I am going.

I love the mysteries of life. 

I love trusting myself. 

I am capable of trusting myself,

Even when I feel sad. 

Even when I feel angry. 

Even when I feel lonely. 

To trust the shadow. 

To trust the attraction of growth. 

I am nowhere near perfect. 

I don’t try to be. 

There is no try. 

There is only do or do not. 

We can’t do perfect. 

It’s not manageable. 

Perfection is subjective to the eye of the beholder. 

Your perfect may not be my perfect,

That is okay. 

Perfection doesn’t need to exist in a world that feels. 

I set the intention to let go. 

To release all emotional attachment tied to Houston, 

Tied to the journey of Houston. 

To my past that once lived in Houston.

May you rest easy. 

May you go free. 

May you dissolve with ease into high vibrational energy. 

I love you. 

With my heart & soul. 

Always & forever,

Sending love, 

Sending light.

One love.

Elizabeth.