In truth

I woke up this morning painfully connected to my heart. 

I woke up this morning pleasantly connected to my heart. 

We are shifting. 

The door to lightness has open as if it has always been there. 

To see life for what it is and what it is

is beautiful. 

We have heartbreak, yes. 

We have fear, yes.

We are broken, open, yes. 

That doesn’t stop us from being human. 

Our brokenness doesn’t prevent us from being who we are meant to be. 

For so long it was assumed because we felt pain inside our hearts we needed to identify with it. 

Save ourselves from it.

Call it the mindset of the heartbreak kid. 

PAINFUL. 

But why?

Why identify with heartbreak?

Why identify with pain, when pleasure feels so fulfilling?

We have been gifted, blessed, shown conscious awareness of the mind & heart

and often, the mind & heart together, through life experiences, hurt deeply. 

On a personal note…

I wish to believe I am bigger than my pain,

I am bigger than my failures, 

I am bigger than my rejections, 

In truth, I am still processing emotions that come from those experiences. 

Consider it planting the seeds of freedom & librations

for each time we work through failure, rejection, and pain

we are able to release and let go of the story to bring the experience to the light,

as to learn from the experience itself.

A visual representation…

It’s as if I am seated at dinner table and all of me has joined for the celebration.

My darkness.

My lightness.

I am making nice with my past lives,

asking each character to show me the wisdom they hold inside their story. 

My only boundary is not identifying with any of the characters. 

Non-Attachment, Aparigraha. 

To observe, learn, & understand.

An old mindset I am letting go…

The idea that pleasure within the light will be boring. 

I have been experiencing the breakage of that thought. 

Pleasure within the light is

euphoria. 

I can feel my mind shifting course. 

My soul is the captain of this ship, sailing the seas of change.

Wild and free. 

Heroically.

Passionately.

Devotionally.

I can feel my heart pulsating with beats of rhythm & harmony.

I no longer feel trapped by limitations. 

If approached by external limitations, I simply bow and respect the redirection. 

If approached by internal limitations, I simply bow and push on through, slowly. 

The only way out is through. 

That is what my core beliefs are whispering to me. 

Happiness & suffering are able to play nice in the sandbox. 

Brokenness & healing are able to accept one another.

For so long I held onto the misconception that I needed to be healed to find my soul tribe, when in truth, I needed to accept the broken parts of me to find my soul tribe. 

I also needed to let go of all that was holding me back, the shame, the judgment, the shadows, the lust. 

Letting go of the lust has been the most rewarding experience. 

Lust clouds my mind like the storm from the movie, Dune. 

A unseeable sand storm that one must learn to face in order to see the clarity she desires for. 

I needed to sit still & surrender to the storm as to listen to her. 

Let the storm swallow me whole without the need to escape.

In my lifetime, as a 28 year old woman, I have met souls who are attached to their own darkness.

Even deeper, attached to the darkness of lust.

The need of wanting.

In truth, we all have the portal of darkness right in front of us. 

Door wide open.

The path to darkness & shadows & cravings is such an easy portal to enter into.

I find myself entering into it occationally.

I made a home inside the darkness of our world.

Lusting over the sensation & taste of sugar. 

Lusting over lasting cravings of salt. 

Lusting over the pleasures of sex.

Lusting over divine moments of intimacy.

Lusting over thoughtful connections. 

Lusting over the love language of touch. 

To lust is to long for something we enjoy but don’t feel we have. 

Unfortunately / fortunately I was kicked out.

I wasn’t wanted by what I wanted most.

Whether it was drugs, alcohol, men, women, and other cravings.

What I lusted over did not want me in return. Instead each time I stepped deeper into my lust, I got hurt. Badly. Painfully. Deeply. So with a heavy heart I closed the door on darkness and began to learn about the light. I began to learn about the other options our world has.

Rejection led me to truth.

Rejection led me to me.

Rejection led me back to my heart.

When with meditation, mindfulness, and the ability to slow down,

I’ve come to understand that what I truly desired

were moments I needed to experience within my own self.

The appreciation of sensation. 

The appreciation of taste. 

The appreciation of cravings

cravings are a portal to delayed gratification

which makes my entire body ooze with pleasure. 

The appreciation of pleasure.

The appreciation of intimacy. 

The appreciation of connection.

The appreciation for all love languages. 

I have been observing the shift in my mindset to match my body needs as my body tells my mind - we have it all, we simply just need to let go of wanting and direct our focus to what it is we actually need in life in order to thrive. 

Shelter

Food

Water

Adventure

Rest 

Space

Time

That is it. 

Those ingredients together create the cake my soul has dreamt of since she was a child. 

Simple, specific, necessary. 

In the right place I won’t even need clothes and for that type of freedom - I am grateful. 

It’s wild for me to process the emotions I once craved in others, to find that I have each within myself, enough for me to love, wholly, unconditionally.

A lesson my heart learned deeply, intrusively, poetically

I craved attention from anyone else other than my own self because part of me 

hated me. I didn’t want to face me.

Then life separated everyone from me / I separated everyone from me. 

In truth, I pushed everyone I loved away because I had a deep knowing it was time for me 

to pay attention to myself to learn about the parts of me I shamed, judged & ignored.

The dark parts. 

The parts I hated. 

As to take time in learning how to love myself.

As to find my souls gifts. 

As to explore what I can offer to life as a service. 

Why am I here?

What purpose do I serve? 

I’ll tell you, we are all special souls.

We all have gifts embedded within our hearts. 

As of now, I am working within the power of truth. 

I didn’t realize how much I lied to feel accepted energetically within a moment. 

A lie causes my entire essencse to feel betrayl so the lies had to stop.

I’d rather have a sword punctured through my heart, living in truth, rather than live life swimming in a sea of lies.

My gift, purpose, dharma, path, is truth. 

The ability to look at the truth with the eyes of a purity to see the potential instead of the demise. 

I am able to witness souls past their human form. 

I witness you for who you truly are. Not what you wish me to believe.

I witness life further than the lies it presents our eyes.

Because I have done the work to see me for me. 

I attract good people, faithful souls.

It wasn’t always like that. 

I had to fully accept my soul's spirituality, the goodness in my heart, and the faithfulness in my self to attract the humans I feel deeply with. 

The practice and devotion is supporting me as I step into attracting the souls I am worthy of receiving. 

Before I learned to love all of me, I attracted ego led humans who were detached from their truth. 

They may have known their truth, but shamed it. 

Judged it. 

As they shamed and judged me.

We attract what/who we are. 

If you hate parts of yourself, you in turn attract those who hate parts of their own self. 

To fully step into the portal of loving yourself unconditionally, universal tests will come. 

Take each test slowly with simple awareness. Be awake as you walk through life. 

The mission is to stay grounded in truth the entire time. 

Living in truth is more important to the heart than living in desire. 

Live in truth and love unconditionally even when the path is unclear. 

Truth does not have a straight line. 

It has a big purpose. 

A large mission.

But it isn’t a path that is carved out for you to walk on like the red carpet of hollywood. 

Truth gets messy. 

Truth feels incomplete & uncertain at the start.

Truth is complicated and changes constantly. 

Truth is a challenging path to take. 

Truth is not for everyone to face.

Sometimes it hurts. 

Sometimes it’s hard to face.

Sometimes it’s brutal to process. 

To those who work in truth, I applaud you. 

I love you. 

I appreciate you. 

I am grateful for you. 

Thankful even.

Because the more people that step into truth the more people will see the changes that need to happen in order to thrive rather than just survive. 

Honor the path. 

Honor the feelings. 

Honor the heart. 

Because it fuels our minds into believing. 

Stay true to yourSELF. 

Your truth.

Your magic. 

Your fire. 

Protect it every step of the way.

For truth is a treacherous quest to accept. 

A Hero’s journey where you face all the demons of past, present and future. 

Pick up the sword of Kali and the shield Durga for we are ready to be the humble warrior we were always destined to be. 

From my heart to yours,

With respect & acceptance

In truth,

I send you love

I send you light

I send you life. 

Elizabeth.